The Birds & The Bee's!

What do most guys think the ideal woman should be?

sexy, friendly, spunky, horny, agreeable, ready!

Dating & Personnels Resource

Jokes

(not politically correct - you have been warned)

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE

EASILY OFFENDED

BY FUNNY, SEXY JOKES!!!

 

Why did the blond have 2 black eyes? ... She had to be told twice!

Why do "blacks" always have sex on the brain? ... Because they have pubic hair on their heads!

Why is sex like pool? ... Because if you can't sink the pink, you sink the brown!

 

The Top 10 rejections given by women and what men think they mean!

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night cause I got guys waiting.)

6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want to tell you in details about the other men I meet and have sex with.)

In response...The male perspective on the same issue...

Top 10 rejection lines given by Men (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work.) (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM!

1 EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

2 SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

3 CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

4 TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

5 INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

6 CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

7 WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

8 FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

9 ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

10 CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

11 SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

12 PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

13 DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

14 TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.

15 EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

16 FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

17 LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

18 DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

19 DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

20 CONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat

21 RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't...

I need you to whip it out by 5:00!

Mind if I use your laptop?

Put this in my box before you leave.

I want it on my desk now!

Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.

My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!

It's an entry level position.

When do you think you'll be getting off today?

It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!

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